What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 01:06
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She found it foreign!.
He knew the spot.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why do the majority of feminists hate men (not all feminists)?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why do some people tell the girl I like that I don’t like her when I do like her?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She was in good health!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why is blood sugar ranging from 70-180 in a day and checked through a glucometer?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But it wasn’t much.
How can I fall asleep fast at night?
She loved him until the end.
One cannot live in the past .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
'There's a huge amount that we don't understand': Why sperm is still so mysterious - BBC
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I couldn’t, believe it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why do you allow your cat to lie in bed with you?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
All the time i was locked up.
What are some cute picnic ideas for a romantic date?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Would this be the day?
Why do North Indians, living in Bangalore, not bother to learn Kannada?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why is the government destroying the homeless instead of helping them?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My life is so biszare .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
It seems that I am cursed with bad luck. How do I break such a curse?
Why did i forgive my father ?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I will be 64.
So, i spoilt her more .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She married twice! .
I think the readers, may guess!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But, we were locked up after school.
It was going to be , some day.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We all went to grammer schools
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I have no regrets .
Im still living with it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My family never makes their pension either.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I don,t even have a pension.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So whats the point in blame.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I said to her
I was 9 years of age.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I write beautiful poetry .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was seconnd youngest,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Put me off passion for life!!
Comes on , in middle age.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Who then, do I blame.?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As i do to all so called friends.?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I waited trembling.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Especially a lifetime of it.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And i lived it daily.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We were not on the streets..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But ive been too sick for many years..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Ive learnt so much.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
This is soul school!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was scared of men, in general
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I never cut or harmed myself..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was very sick at this time too.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She wouldn,t have been !
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
When she asked me how she looked .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
What did i know ?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers